


In Which Everyone Is Themselves...According To The Reviewing Fandom!

by NOT_Kirie_Goshima



Category: Uzumaki, Uzumaki (Fan Reviews)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fanon, Out of Character, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 04:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4990570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NOT_Kirie_Goshima/pseuds/NOT_Kirie_Goshima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've read a lot of Uzumaki reviews that just completely threw me off in their depiction of the characters. They were just so wrong and so off that I decided to write a fic parodying the reviewers' perspectives of the manga. The characters are supposed to be OOC here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Everyone Is Themselves...According To The Reviewing Fandom!

Kirie didn’t bother wondering why, every day when Shuichi got off the train, her heart did somersaults. They’d been together for, what, almost two months now? But somehow, her infatuation with the older student hadn’t subdued! Oh well. Kirie had more important things to worry about, like her  _abysmal_ math grades, or the pretty butterfly that had just flown past--ooh, nice colors--or maybe working on her stutter--

“Oi. Snap out of it.”

The young girl was brought out of her random pondering by a sudden low voice, and a firm hand on her shoulder. She couldn’t help being startled, and squeaked.

“Eeee! U-uh, oh, Shuichi-kun...i-it’s just you...”  
“Psh.  _Just_ me. Yeah, sure.”

At the girl’s words, Shuichi rolled his eyes. What a stupid-sounding stutter, she really needed to work on getting rid of it.

“Come on, daydreamer. Let’s go to--”  
“The swingset!”

Kirie piped up joyfully. Shuichi yet again rolled his eyes, but didn’t object. Still, he had  _no_ intension whatsoever of actually swinging or anything. Shuichi was way too old and too mature for such childish things.

***

Not at all minding the creaking noise it made, Kirie was swinging happily. And trying to chat; though it was rather one-sided, as her boyfriend adamantly did not respond.

“A-and then, Sekino-san said she was still s-single! Such a c-cool, pretty girl! Can you b-believe it, Shuichi-kun? B-but also, I...I think our school uniform skirts are too short. I-I don’t have the body for such clothes, t-that’s for good-looking girls! Though...apparently i-it makes me look cute, according to some boys in eleventh grade--”  
“What are some eleventh grade losers doing commenting on your looks?”  
“I-I don’t know! They just  _did_ \--but they said I look cute!”  
“Ugh. You could have  _property of Shuichi Saito_ tattooed on your fucking forehead and some morons would still do that.”

Kirie blushed.

“S-Shuichi-kun! Y-you shouldn’t say things like that...”  
“Ha. You shouldn’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. I’m older than you, remember? I know better than you do.”  
“Oh...y-yeah. You’re right. S-sorry...”  
“Yeah. Whatever.”

A couple minutes passed in silence; well, not really  _silence_. Kirie’s swing was creaking like mad. But other than that, silence. Until Shuichi spoke:

“Kirie, you should leave town with me.”

The young girl’s eyes widened, her face displaying an expression of pure shock and confusion.

“W-whaaat?”  
“God, do I have to repeat everything for you?  _Leave. Town. With me_.”  
“L-leave? I...I can’t! I have school! A-and my family wouldn’t like it! Also, I’m...I’m only sixteen!”  
“Sixteen-year-olds are no doubt allowed to live away from their parents if they have another guardian who is of age. That would be me, in your case.”  
“B-but my brother! I need to w-watch him! And  _school_! I-it’s just not practical...  
a-and besides, w-why do you even want to leave? I-I think this town is nice!”

Shuichi snorted.

“Tch. Nice? It’s fucking tiny! And poor. I could buy the whole thing with one week’s allowance, if I wanted to! But that’s not why we’re leaving. This town’s cursed.”  
“C- _cursed_?! Cursed b-by what?”  
“Wow, chill  _out_. It doesn’t matter, because you’re leaving.”  
“I’m s-so sorry, S-Shuichi-kun, I just c- _can’t_ leave!”

Now, Kirie wasn’t used to outright disagreeing with Shuichi. He was pretty intimidating, and to her knowledge, always right. He was older, smarter, stronger, cooler, and he actually had a social life! But leaving town was a pretty big decision, and she just  _knew_ she didn’t have it in her. So, that left her no choice but to say no. 

Not that that justification of her disagreement did anything to quell her sudden terror after saying it out loud. What if Shuichi didn’t like her anymore, for objecting to his decision? What if he broke up with her? That’d be her whole social life down the drain! After all, he was the only person she knew who bothered putting up with her! And of course, it earned her some serious social points to be dating  _Shuichi fucking Saito_ , who was not only a senior, but also the object of affection of by far and away most of the girls in Kurozu-Cho  _and_ Midoriyama-Shi, where he went to school (he was  _way_ too cool and rich to go to school in crummy little Kurozu-Cho, so instead opted to go to some private school in the next town over). If Shuichi broke up with Kirie over this, she’d go back to being her school’s laughingstock!

“You...can’t leave?”  
“I-I’m so sorry...”  
“Ugh. I really hope you realize how much you’ll regret saying that when staying in this town ends up, you know,  _killing_ you.”  
“Uh...”  
“Unless...”

Kirie didn’t really know what to make of Shuichi’s expression at that moment. It was a sort of self-debating expression, like her was pondering whether or not to do something.

“...Unless I stay, too.”  
“W- _what_?”  
“To protect you, of course.”  
“Y-you’re staying here...f-for  _me_?”  
“Ha! Against what’s coming in this town, you won’t stand a chance without someone wiser and stronger there to save you! So I’ll stay here for your sake. No need to thank me.”

Wow! Kirie wasn’t honestly sure her face had ever been redder than it was now. Somehow, Shuichi saying he’d protect her just...really sounded amazing. She didn’t know what the feeling was called, but she could imagine it easily; some form of attacker launching itself at her, only to be brought down in seconds by Shuichi, who’d then scoop Kirie up in his arms and carry her off the scene of the attack...

“Oooooh, S-Shu _ichi-kuuuun_ ,”

She murmured in a sort of starstruck voice.

“Hey! Snap  _out_ of it!”  
“OH! S-sorryyyyyy!”  
“I-it’s oka _yyyyyy_ ,”

Shuichi said in a high-pitched voice, imitating Kirie ridiculously.

“Anyway, I have football practice to get to in an hour at my school. I guess I’ll walk you home.”

With that, Shuichi stood up and started towards the sidewalk, walking irritatingly fast, and Kirie had to jump off her swing. She fell on her knees, scraping one, and her eyes welled with tears.

“Uuuuuh...t-that hurts!”  
“You coming? I don’t have all day! Put a band-aid on your knee when you get home or something, ugh!”

Yeah, screw her knee, Kirie ran to catch up to Shuichi. God, that hurt.


End file.
